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Autism: The Life of a Housewife

30 Jul

In the mornings now I wake up and think of all of the things that I have to do.

Today I will:

  • clean the kitchen and bathrooms
  • sweep the floors like I do most days now
  • do a couple of loads of laundry
  • I should vacuum the master bedroom and rec room (if I can talk myself into cleaning out the vacuum canister that is full of spiders from cleaning the workshop the other day)
  • write a blog post or two
  • exercise
  • practice playing my keyboard
  • work on my book (I am now typing corrections and additions into the computer)
  • maybe I will wash the floors, too.

I think of all of these things that I have to do, and I am content with my life. I didn’t choose to be off of work – I was told it was necessary. It is a good lifestyle for me, though.

By 11am I have one load of laundry in the washer, the other is hanging on the line. I am still debating about the vacuuming – I don’t like spiders. The rest of my cleaning is done, and I am working on my blog. I look around my house, and it is clean. It calms me. I don’t have to block out my environment like I had to when I was working, and too stressed and burnt out to take care of my house, too. I am happy here.

I look forward to my planned activities for the afternoon. There is so much to learn, and to do! Life is interesting. I can feel my depression and anxiety lifting each day that I am home.

Considering the fall I think, for perhaps the first time, that I could handle hosting life group in my home. It is clean. I can keep it clean. Maybe I can do that. Maybe I would even bake desserts to share with people when they come. Maybe I can!

Somehow I have to find a way to contribute financially to my family. I really don’t want to go back to work. I am happy here, doing what I am doing. But I need the income. It is a battle. I love writing this blog, and working on my book. I want these things to be shared. To get some money from them would be nice, but I know that for me, I have to write for a better purpose. I would rather it not become something I had to do for the money, but could continue to be something I want to do because I have so much to share.

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Maybe I could learn to garden, and grow more than pumpkins and sunflowers. I could learn to can and dehydrate the food that I grow, to lessen our food costs through the year. Maybe I could do that – but it wouldn’t be enough.

I try to remind myself that God brought me here. I didn’t ask for it, but I sure did pray for it. If God brought me here, He can also provide for me to be able to stay. I try to trust in Him. Faith is hard! It isn’t something that just comes, and we walk pleasantly along, never worrying about anything. Faith is a lot of work, and needs to be strengthened moment by moment, day by day.

There are many fears that come from being here, but not like the ones I have from going to work. I could live like this. I could thrive here. My hope is that I will be able to stay.

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