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Autism: Sunshine, Parades, and Neighbours

14 Sep

Today is Saturday. On Wednesday, the last of our house guests left. It was nice to have them for a while, but I was very excited that I would be able to work to get back into my routine. I love living by my routine, and it really helps me to feel better and more energized.

On Thursday I started exercising again, for the first time in about three weeks. I knew it was good for me, but forgot how wonderful it made me feel. I cleaned every day (during a time when our visitors were away) while they were here, so now that I am back to cleaning most things every two days, it feels like a break.

Today I started taking my vitamins again, after about 4 weeks. I think I had more energy today than I have had for a while. Vitamins are good… and that is even after having a bad sleep last night. I don’t have many bad sleeps anymore, though they used to happen more than half of the week, every week. My psychiatrist put me on sleeping pills – really they are anti-depressants, but this is what they have been prescribed for in my case. Considering I am only taking ¾ of the lowest dose, I would hate to imagine what these would do to me if they were prescribed in the higher doses for my anxiety/depression.

My niece invited me to watch the fall fair parade with her and her family this morning. My husband was working, and my son doesn’t like to leave the house, so I went alone. I thought that was pretty brave of me! Although my lack of sleep last night despite my sleeping pill can attest to the anxiety I was feeling over it (especially over driving downtown in fall fair traffic.)

I got there more than 45 minutes early, and there were very few people sitting on the sidewalks at that time. I kept getting anxious that I was in the wrong spot, and would miss them, but they found me, and came over. As the crowds grew, I could see my nieces 3 year old daughter getting overwhelmed. I felt the same, and my brother in law said it was hard for him, too.

At the beginning of the parade, the firetrucks blasted their horns, which frightened my niece’s daughter. She ended up sitting between her grandfather and I for most of the rest of the parade. It was fun to see the excitement on her face as the parade went by (and kept handing her candy and things.) She didn’t care that she was getting candy, she just seemed to like the fact that people were handing her things to fill her bag. I think her favourite thing that she got was a handmade paper fan.

Despite how overwhelmed I get with all the people, traffic, and noise, I really like the fall fair parade. I am thankful that my niece invited me, as I have had no one to go with in about 7 years. I would also like to have gone to the fair, but my husband and son don’t like that either – and I can’t justify spending the money… but I wouldn’t go alone anyway. Just like I need someone with me when I visit anyone but my mother (and even then I want my son with me) I also need someone with me when I do other activities like this. So I am back home.

For most of the summer I have felt that I should make myself go outside. The weather has been nice for the last several days, and it has been heavy on my mind… but neighbours. We live in a good and safe neighbourhood, filled with doctors, teachers, nurses, but I feel watched and… less than, I guess is how I would describe it, whenever they are out (and they almost always are.) There is so much I would like to learn and try and do – but I can’t do it with people around.

So for days I have been inside on Pinterest while it is nice and sunny outside. I have been gathering pins on homesteading, and have really enjoyed it, but I need the sun. I need to be doing things, and not just dreaming of them.

So today, after the parade, and after a while on Pinterest, I went outside. I have been growing avocado from seeds in water, and felt it was time to pot them in soil. I took the one that grew best (I have another that grew a long taproot, but no other roots) and planted that, then brought it back inside.

I also re-potted lavender and mint from outside to bring in for the winter. I have lavender outside in my yard, but we might be moving, and I wanted to bring the potted lavender in so I could maybe bring it with me.

We might not be moving, but I also like having lavender and mint inside the house. It smells so nice, and grows well for me in here – even better than it did outside this summer. Maybe the lavender was too wet, and the mint too dry out there, as I left most of the watering to my husband due to neighbours.

Then I came in and was inspired to clean quite a lot. I thought I wasn’t going to, because the day had been so busy – but I guess the mix of sunshine, exercise, and vitamins really helped me a lot today. I wonder if we will have neighbours next year, and if I’ll still hide inside then.

But I am thankful that today has been a good day.

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