The Adoption Part Nine

21 Sep

It took them two months to come to the decision to allow our children to come home, and I was very grateful. Those two months were some of the hardest in my life.

It wasn’t a full restoration, however, to what we had before. Our children were being given back to us, but not as an adoption placement. It was what they called a “free placement” pretty much meaning that we had to do whatever they wanted, and really had no say in the matter – but it was better than nothing, and we accepted it.

In time, they told us, we would return to the adoption placement, and would move towards finalization as our children’s adoptive parents.

While our children were back in care, the older of our two daughters had her full assessment in the big city. We were to drive down there and hear the results, along with the adoption social worker. What we were told was that she not only had Fetal Alcohol, like her siblings, but that she also had Reactive Attachment Disorder as well.

During the time when infants are supposed to be learning to trust their parents, she was living in a volatile environment. She could not trust her parents to respond well to her cries. Often she was left in her crib, and it appeared that when they did respond to her cries, it might have been much worse, which is why when she went into a rage, things would get worse if we tried to calm her instead of leaving her along.

Reactive Attachment Disorder is the challenge faced by many of the children who were adopted out of orphanages, such as the ones in Romania. While the parents poured as much love and structure as they could into their children, in many cases, there was little success, and the children continued to grow into violent adults with little conscience.

There was some hope for our daughter. We had seen some progress in those first two years, though it was extremely slow going. In this meeting we, along with the social worker, were told in no uncertain terms that our daughter was not emotionally resilient. She could not handle even small changes, and absolutely needed a consistent home.

After this meeting, our social worker made a promise to us that they would not suddenly move the children from our home again. She promised that they would make a full investigation if anything should happen again as had caused them to remove the children from our home in the first place BEFORE they decided to take them out.

She PROMISED… and then they let our children come home, and I was filled with thankfulness at having my family together again.


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