Okay, so Mondays I can understand… my husband is off of work, and I get performance anxiety even in front of him – so I end up sitting around most of the day. I have tried to work while he is home, but mostly I can’t.
Tuesdays through Fridays I try. I really do. I am not working, and to me that means that I should be productive at home. So I push myself to vacuum and sweep the floors, clean the bathrooms, clean the kitchen, do the laundry… all the stuff I feel needs to be done every day or two. Every day I accomplish something, but my energy is so low, that I may only clean for 30-45 minutes a day. That is hardly worthy of replacing an 8 hour shift, and I feel bad about it.
It is my medication, however, and until it stabilizes, I guess that I have to work with what I am left with. For the most part that means little to no energy, waking up late, going to bed early, not being productive. It is hard to accept, and I often think the medication is worse than the anxiety and depression it is there to fight, but maybe it will do something if I just push through.
Saturdays, however, get me. I do not understand. All week, if someone would have asked me if I would get so much accomplished in one day, I would have thought it impossible; improbable at the very least.
However, for four weeks straight, in spite of my low energy (which is just as low on Saturdays as it is the rest of the week) I have gotten up in the morning with the drive to organize strong within my mind. So I have breakfast, call up my son to clean the dishes (as that is his job, and I almost always want to start with the kitchen – not that it isn’t clean, but those dishes we don’t use as often get dusty fast, and the food gets piled all over the shelves when it comes into the house, so I always feel it could use more) and start organizing.
Last week it was the front closet, entryway, and broom closet. For both of the Saturdays before, it was the Rec Room, and downstairs hallway. This week it was the linen closet, and one of the spare bedrooms.
I also cleaned the kitchen, swept, vacuumed, and washed the floors, and did a lot of laundry. It was another busy Saturday.
For all four weeks, I didn’t even turn my computer on until around 4pm – and considering I usually have it on by 10am, that is quite an achievement.
I don’t even consider quitting through the day. I don’t know where the drive comes from.
While I can understand why others choose Saturdays to be their cleaning day – they work all week… their children are home to “help”… they have company coming on Sunday… there are a lot of reasons to choose Saturdays as a cleaning day, but none of them are true for me, and I am not choosing to work this way – it just happens.
Perhaps it is because I am not doing so much the rest of the week – only I don’t feel that I have more energy. Maybe it is because my son and I do not walk on Saturdays – only I like walking, and feel that helps me to move and focus. Perhaps it is because I know I won’t do much at all on Sundays and Mondays – that might be, but doesn’t explain the drive I wake up with.
So here ends another highly productive Saturday. My husband will be home in about 7 minutes. I have a peach crisp baking in the oven, and supper just about ready to serve. I have no idea why I can accomplish so much on Saturdays without effort, when the rest of the week I push myself and don’t get near as much done, but I am thankful to have it.
So here’s to productive, driven, focused Saturdays!