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Autism: Changes

30 Oct

Has my age finally caught up to me, or perhaps because I have stopped working, or is it because I learned that I have autism this year? So many of my preferences have seemed to change in the last little while.

I changed out my jeans for corduroy pants – they just feel more comfortable. I have noticed that my hair and scalp feel best if I wait 3-4 days between washes (something other people have told me was true so many times in the past, but I could never hold out long enough to find out.)

My contacts more often sit in their case, as I choose to wear glasses, or no correction at all. I am drinking a lot more tea.

This year, I am struggling to live in the colder temperatures (within my house) that I have always been fine with. A warm sweater is not always enough.

I am finally (I guess it is a good thing) accepting that I like the quiet, and that I am okay with the thought of not being able to have more children.

In acknowledging how quickly I become exhausted and overwhelmed with visits, I am re-evaluating my definition of what friendship is – and how much I really need; maybe my husband, son, and online friends are enough.

No longer am I battling to be “normal,” but instead, am fighting to be allowed to be the person I am (and trying to figure out who that is.)

I think, that since finding out the truth about my autism/Asperger’s, I have been working to cut out those things in my life that do not serve me well. Perhaps I will bring some of them back in when I have finished with this “de-cluttering” but not all. No, some things, I suppose, will be gone for good.

And I think… I think I am okay with the person I am seeing emerge from this mask that I have been wearing for so long.

Maybe one day, when I think of who I am, I won’t turn away in disgust.

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3 responses to “Autism: Changes

  1. kazst

    October 30, 2015 at 11:39 am

    I have been changing too, and I think it’s an age thing. I’ve stopped wearing jeans because they’re not comfortable. I mostly wear casual, comfortable dresses and skirts now. I’m less tolerant to hot and cold. Socially, I’m less willing to conform and I’m less willing to explain. I’ve always wanted people to understand me but maybe I can accept now that some people never will.

    Liked by 1 person

     
  2. wotsbooks

    October 30, 2015 at 1:38 pm

    I am aging too. I am lucky (or not) as I am an NT as you know but I am struggling with nights in the the Brigade now. I struggle to stay awake and suffer that lack of sleep hangover ever tour when I’m on nights. I struggle to do the hours demanded of me when at fires and incidetns that require my attendance. I look forward to ebing able to retire and moving away to France and enjoying some down time. :/

    Liked by 2 people

     
  3. Angel the Alien

    October 30, 2015 at 10:05 pm

    I’m in a similar process myself. Having grown up being pressured to “pass for normal,” I am now learning to figure out what makes me comfortable and helps me to do my best. Working with autistic children has helped, because they get help that I never got as a child (such as deep pressure vests, stimmies, etc.)

    Liked by 1 person

     

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