Has my age finally caught up to me, or perhaps because I have stopped working, or is it because I learned that I have autism this year? So many of my preferences have seemed to change in the last little while.
I changed out my jeans for corduroy pants – they just feel more comfortable. I have noticed that my hair and scalp feel best if I wait 3-4 days between washes (something other people have told me was true so many times in the past, but I could never hold out long enough to find out.)
My contacts more often sit in their case, as I choose to wear glasses, or no correction at all. I am drinking a lot more tea.
This year, I am struggling to live in the colder temperatures (within my house) that I have always been fine with. A warm sweater is not always enough.
I am finally (I guess it is a good thing) accepting that I like the quiet, and that I am okay with the thought of not being able to have more children.
In acknowledging how quickly I become exhausted and overwhelmed with visits, I am re-evaluating my definition of what friendship is – and how much I really need; maybe my husband, son, and online friends are enough.
No longer am I battling to be “normal,” but instead, am fighting to be allowed to be the person I am (and trying to figure out who that is.)
I think, that since finding out the truth about my autism/Asperger’s, I have been working to cut out those things in my life that do not serve me well. Perhaps I will bring some of them back in when I have finished with this “de-cluttering” but not all. No, some things, I suppose, will be gone for good.
And I think… I think I am okay with the person I am seeing emerge from this mask that I have been wearing for so long.
Maybe one day, when I think of who I am, I won’t turn away in disgust.