Autism: Struggling With Change

01 Dec

They changed the format, and I want to cry.

I know it is something others complain about a lot, and I tried, I really tried not to say anything, but…

It takes me so long to figure things out – so much time, so much frustration, so many hours fighting against meltdown. Then I finally think I’ve got this, and they change it on me.

Why do they have to change things?

Maybe it is supposed to be easier. Maybe it is supposed to be more user friendly. Maybe they were just fiddling around with it, trying to do things different.

Whatever the reason, it is different, and different is hard – no matter how much easier it is (or is supposed to be.)

It took me a while, but I figured out how to select my categories and tags. I figured out how to link a Pinterest picture to my site, or how to upload my own pictures. I did it. I did it for the first post since the change. I had to.

It was incredibly frustrating, though.

The biggest challenge I have been having is with the scheduled release. I like that feature. I can’t be on time, I always have to be early, and I have consistently been three posts ahead for several weeks now.

And then they changed it, and the posts I scheduled to be released in a few days, are now coming up as if they had been released several days ago (and are being lost, it seems, or at least not read.) The ones I scheduled to post in the morning, aren’t being released until late at night.

I check. I do. I check to make sure that it says that it is scheduled to be released in three days… then I go away, only to find out it has already come out.

Then I would change it, but maybe one person saw it, and liked or re-blogged it, and the rest… it seems it was missed.

And it is so frustrating that I just want to curl up in a ball and cry, and leave the world to those who can figure it out.

People laugh at those people who get upset when things change – and I don’t want to be that person. I try so hard not to be. But I struggle so much… so much just to try to function in a minimal capacity in their world, so I don’t stand out, so they won’t laugh at me, and then they change things.

I can change – just I can’t do it fast. I need a lot of warning, and a lot of practice, so that when the change comes, it really isn’t change at all.

This, however, just reminds me of how broken I am.

I am sad my posts were released so many days early so they were lost. I am frustrated that they come out late at night, so it looks like I didn’t do my work for the day.

I am never late. I never miss. And it breaks me that I cannot function within their need for change, and I am so angry??? I guess angry, that I just want to cry my eyes out like a little child, because once more, I cannot understand their world.


Posted by on December 1, 2015 in Autism: Out in Public


Tags: , , , , , ,

4 responses to “Autism: Struggling With Change

  1. kazst

    December 1, 2015 at 1:55 pm

    The change frustrated me too. I’ve kind of lost my enthusiasm as a result. Things aren’t flowing the way they used to.

    Liked by 1 person

    • kazst

      December 1, 2015 at 1:57 pm

      By “things” I mean writing. I’m having trouble thinking of things to write now. I wasn’t having that problem before.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. threekidsandi

    December 1, 2015 at 6:25 pm

    I understand, completely. I don´t even bother learning how to do nearly anything you have mentioned. So you are far ahead of me. It will come out okay, you know so much already. You can repost your previous posts if you are afraid they were missed. I know it won´t be the same sequence, but that way you know it will be done.

    Liked by 1 person


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