Autism: Living, Thinking, Breathing

25 Dec

Here. Right here in this moment, I am breathing. Focus on my breath – in and out, in and out… over and over for a lifetime.

Within my mind, I have thoughts. Thought of the future, thoughts of the past, thoughts of love, and pain, regret, joy… emotions, and thoughts that are all my own.


How is it that I can be here, in this place, in this time, on this world, surrounded by these people – living, breathing, thinking, knowing… how is it possible?

Wishing, desiring, striving, failing, laughing, crying… how?

Every once in a while, I stop – okay, more often than that… it just grabs a hold of me, and suddenly I am focused on all that I am, right here in this place, and I am overcome.

How is it my eyes work to see – the snow on the treetops, the plants at my window, walls, ceilings, floors… how is it I am here in this place, seeing and knowing?


My son is outside shoveling the driveway, the washing machine is cleaning my clothes, the radiant oil heater is ticking as it heats up… how can I hear these things? How do these things exist?

To taste the foods that I eat. To smell the fabric softener (and be calmed by the scent.) To feel the keys of the keyboard beneath my fingertips as I type… to know how to type.

To learn, and grow, and do, and be – and find thankfulness, or pain, in all I have known… how is this possible?

Every once in a while – or every few days – I am suddenly fully present in this very moment, and I am overcome.

Fearfully and wonderfully made.


I hope all of you have a very Merry Christmas, full of joy, and laughter, love, and… now. I hope that you see now for all that it is. Amazing.



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