Finally after many weeks (many months, really, as the medication caused such strong issues even while I was on it) I am starting to feel more like myself. Of course, it has only been a few days, but it is nice to have a routine again. It is wonderful to be up off the couch, and actually doing things again.
In the mornings, I have begun doing yoga. I have to find some way to lose the thirty pounds I gained while on Mirtazapine. Weight is harder to lose than it is to gain, however, so I am trying to alter my diet as well. The thing is, though, that on my own, I have never had trouble with weight. It is only when I am on medication that I gain like this.
Changing my diet has not proven to be easy, however. Food has always been an issue for me. Not that I need the unhealthy foods, I do crave vegetables most of the time, but the fact that so many (even healthy) foods leave me feeling nauseous. This includes water, unfortunately, and no matter how hard I try to make myself drink it, I just can’t.
And then there is the hunger. I don’t do well with hunger, and in that state, cannot think of anything else. So the longest I have been able to hold out on a diet in the last few years has been maybe 5 hours. I will maybe have a fruit smoothie with unsweetened almond milk for breakfast. Then I will try some sort of low calorie drink (this week it has been hot unsweetened lemon water,) with a salad for lunch.
For the salad dressing, I use a little bit of olive oil, mixed with black pepper and tumeric. I even add a few cashews or sunflower seeds to the vegetables to help hold off the hunger. While I am eating, it feels really good, but it doesn’t work. Lunch finishes, and I remain hungry, and I fight it for an hour or so. Then I have to have something to help me feel full. This is where the diet fails.
But it isn’t like I am eating unhealthy the rest of the time. I just can’t seem to lose the weight that was put on by the medication. It is as if it has changed my metabolism, or something. Anyway, though my food issues don’t seem to help with weight loss, the yoga feels good!
Along with yoga, I have finally returned to studying Spanish, reading my Bible, and practicing my keyboard. Pretty good, I think, since not long ago all I could do was lie on the couch watching Netflix all day. I couldn’t even think long enough to enjoy reading or researching (two of my favourite activities.) Now I am even working on learning a new song – where my keyboarding practice for the last six years or so involved playing the same five songs over and over.
Still, I continue to suffer with shocks every day, and the pressure in my head never seems to go away. I am down to 2.5mg each day of my last medication, and it helps to take that amount daily, rather than the 5mg every second day as I had been advised. My energy continues to be low, and my nausea continues to be high – but at least they are not what they were.
I can sit this way. I can stand this way. I can think this way. I know that it may not seem like a lot of activity for one day – especially since I often complete the yoga, Spanish, and Bible reading in an hour. But for me, for now, it is a lot, and I am thankful for it.