Autism: Someone Like Me

07 Apr

Personally, I don’t know how he does it. If I had to sleep in the same bed as someone like me… well… I couldn’t. I would groan, and cry, and complain – and I certainly wouldn’t end up sleeping. Yet he does! And it amazes me, as each night I flip from side to side, turn my pillow over, kick the sheets, pull at the blankets, adjust my clothes over and over, push away my hair… and all repeatedly in the first hour (or four) that it takes me to get to sleep.


I couldn’t sleep beside someone like me. Yet he is often asleep within 5 minutes, despite any of the challenges I am having staying still. And I frequently wonder why he would even want me there. Yet after nearly twelve and a half years of marriage he still seems to. I tried moving into another room on a few occasions – when my children were taken, and I didn’t want to see anyone. When my shifts at work were all over the place, and I needed my own bed to sleep in. And still he wanted me there. I guess that must be normal or something, but it sure isn’t something I understand.

And then, on top of all the restlessness, and constant moving – even after I get to sleep – he ends up moving to the couch part way through each night as he wears a mask for sleep apnea, and “doesn’t want to disturb me” when he takes it off (and starts snoring.) I am not saying it wouldn’t disturb me. My sensory issues are bad, and I can’t filter these things out. I just wonder why he wouldn’t want his own bed. Especially when I do have my own bed in the “pink room” I love so much.

Only even when I am having trouble sleeping, I don’t move back and forth between rooms. I suppose part of the reason is that I don’t think well when I am so tired. I hardly consider that I could move. Instead, I am so used to him leaving at some time in the early morning, that when I am struggling to sleep, I lie awake wishing he would move.

Another reason is that I don’t handle change well. I could sleep in that room all the time – but it would interfere with my routine if I only tried moving when I couldn’t sleep in the night.

And then there is the bathroom issue. If I could make it through the night… but no, I am often up 20 minutes after the lights are out, and then again maybe half an hour after that. Until I get to sleep the first time (usually 1-3 hours) I am up every 20 minutes or so (especially if I am cold.) Even after I get to sleep, I am up several times through the night.

When I was in the “pink room” the main bathroom was “mine,” and the en-suite was my husband’s bathroom – much as I like the idea of tiny houses, I really don’t like sharing bathrooms. However, when I moved back into the master bedroom, we switched that around. That means that if I moved into the “pink room” sometime in the night, I would then lie in bed struggling and upset that I didn’t have a bathroom to use – for I wouldn’t then be able to bring myself to either use “his” bathroom, nor walk into the en-suite to use “mine.”

Though while my husband seems to understand that I struggle with some unusual issues, that must make it very hard for him to live with me, he never does complain – and even seems to want me there with him (even if it means that he has to sleep on the couch.) This may be one of those things that I can never understand.


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2 responses to “Autism: Someone Like Me

  1. kazst

    April 7, 2016 at 7:06 pm

    He’s obviously a very tolerant man. I can’t say the same for my husband. I often sleep on the couch (with my husband’s enthusiastic agreement and encouragement) when my asthma gets particularly bad. I don’t care. The couch is more comfortable than the bed anyway.


    • Walkinfaith925

      April 7, 2016 at 9:52 pm

      I find couches way too narrow to sleep on. I am always kicking or bumping into something. He can sleep just about anywhere, but I struggle at the best of times.



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