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Autism: Expressing Myself

06 May

Though I am pretty sure this isn’t the best method of communication with those close to me, it sure does seem to help. I wish I could say that I was good at explaining things with my husband, and that he understood me well, but that isn’t the case.

I struggle to talk, even to him. I struggle to form the words, even when I know what I want to say. I struggle to say what I want in a way that doesn’t become offensive to him, for that is never what I want to do. I struggle with communication, even though I really want him to know me.

It must have been a couple of months ago now when my husband brought up my blog, and said, “I guess we should talk about it.” Only, I guess I answered even that wrong when I replied, “I struggle to talk, writing is so much easier,” for he never brought it up again. What I meant was that I was thankful he was reading my blog, because I couldn’t talk well. I definitely wanted him to comment…

Easter 2016

I always seem to answer wrong. Talking is still so hard for me.

But I know he is reading, and I am certain that because of that, he knows me so much better than he ever did – then again, I suppose because of this, complete strangers even know me better than he used to, maybe. I am okay with that, I think. I think if I share who I am, with all of my struggles and insecurities, maybe it will help other people – and that has been probably the one consistent desire I have had in my life, though I have failed to meet it so often…

Anyway, this week he took me to see a play. It was a comedy, which as I have previously mentioned, I don’t really ‘get,’ but it was nice to be out with him, and I did enjoy that time. After the play, he took me for a short walk along the river, before taking me for a… okay, when I say ‘drink,’ I never mean alcoholic – and we didn’t go for coffee, because I can’t drink that either. Well, I didn’t get a ‘drink’ as I explained in a previous post – but I really enjoyed that time he spent with me.

He hasn’t done that in a very long time.

Then later this week, he took me to another play. This one not a comedy. In fact, it nearly left me in tears (my favourite kind!) and was amazingly well done. I can’t even express how good the acting was, just… amazing. (Okay, I said I wasn’t good with words!)

When we were first married, he use to take me out like this all the time, but though we have gone to plays since, and though we have gone for walks since, and though we have even gone out for ‘drinks’ since, I do not believe we have been out this much together since before the kids were placed with us not three years into our marriage.

And I am loving that he is spending such time with me – even, and maybe especially because, I know he is tired from his work and other activities, and would like to be home resting. And the only thing that is different, is that I wrote a post on ‘Love Languages.’ So maybe while I am writing, and trying to give what I can to others, maybe writing this blog is helping me, too.

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One response to “Autism: Expressing Myself

  1. visualvox

    May 7, 2016 at 5:07 pm

    I think it’s great that you have at least some way to communicate with your husband. And it’s great that you’re getting some time together. Nice. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

     

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