Autism: Maybe Tomorrow I Will Do Better

07 May

It has been something that has been on my mind for a while. If I want to change my lifestyle, I have to take the time to learn the best way to do it. Take my need (yes, it is!) to be vegan, gluten free, dairy free, healthy… I can’t just decide to give up meat, or bread, or cheese even, without a plan. I have tried that, and I always end up sick, and eating the very things I do not want to eat.

This morning I perseverated on Pinterest – but I perseverated with a purpose! I have to learn. I have to research. I have to grow. After all, I do have the time now (though it still often feels as if I didn’t.) I don’t know how long it will last that I have this much needed time to learn and grow, and perhaps catch up to where I might have been/should have been had I not spent the majority of my life feeling significantly overwhelmed.

So I ‘got stuck’ on Pinterest, because the pictures help me so much in deciding whether I might like something or not. I am a highly visual person, and I need the pictures even more than I need the recipes – in fact a recipe without the picture, will often be ignored because I can’t just… well, ‘picture it’ on my own.


As I went through the recipes, and began writing them down, I came to a very important conclusion: if it isn’t simple, and cheap, I won’t make it. It has to be easy. I am not a chef. I mostly don’t even like cooking. I need the food, and can’t depend on other people – though I don’t like cooking much, I like eating other people’s meals even less. My diet is too different, and what they like often leaves me feeling sick or uncomfortable at the very least.

It would be helpful if these easy to make foods could also be frozen, or at least stored for a long time – because my ‘cooking energy’ only comes sporadically. I can’t depend on myself to be able to follow through on a recipe – even one I really want to try – tomorrow, or next week, or… So when I do make something, it would help a lot if I could just make large batches, and store them for when I want them. I can’t express how much I appreciate those frozen, ready to heat meals when I am too tired to cook (which happens a lot more than I would like to admit.)

So I went through those recipes, and really liked the ones I could write down in just 2-4 lines in my recipe book. The more recipes I can fit on one page, the more likely I am to use them. I like that I can separate them by “vegan milk,” or “dehydrated fruits and vegetables,” rather than having individual pages for each recipe.

And you know, the less of a recipe that I have to write, the more often I will use it. “Blend. Strain. Store.” Okay – I can do that! It helps me to know I will be successful. It isn’t that I can’t follow complicated recipes, but I always find that I spend way too much gathering all the ingredients for them (after which I am too exhausted to cook) and I need a lot of energy to talk myself into trying them. Then after all of that, I still prefer my food plain and simple. So why not?

Only even looking for simple recipes, and looking through Pinterest, which is something I like to do, takes me a lot of time and energy. While doing it, I feel as if I couldn’t possibly be expected to do anything more with my day (and get frustrated with those people in my head that judge me on it – I get upset with those people a lot!)

And then three hours later, when I only have maybe seven recipes written down, I become discouraged. One day this may save me time, if I can push myself through it. I really do think it could help. But time is time, and it always goes too fast for me (or I just move too slowly within it.) Well… I got some things done at least. Maybe tomorrow I will do better.


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One response to “Autism: Maybe Tomorrow I Will Do Better

  1. visualvox

    May 7, 2016 at 11:33 am

    Progress… always progress… Those times when I feel down on myself for being so far behind (though who would know it?), I find comfort in the fact that it actually bothers me. If it didn’t bother me, that would be a problem 😉

    Oh, speaking of perserveration, I’m way past due for my afternoon nap.


    Liked by 1 person


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