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Autism: Productive Procrastination

22 Aug

When I wake up in the morning, I have the best of intentions – I really do – and I start well. The list is in my mind, and what is on the list does need to get done. So I must. I will. I am so sure that although I will be busy and overwhelmed, I will get it all done, that in the beginning there is no room to think of anything else.

And some days I can. Some days. Like when I decided that I was going to paint my kitchen. The first day went exceptionally well. The second day even was good. By the third I was crashing, and there was still so much more to do. I did finish what I had set out to do. Then I crashed. Bad.

That was back in November 2015. It is now August 2016, and I haven’t had a day like that since, let alone a week. It isn’t that I haven’t wanted to, just… I am still so exhausted thinking of it. And while I do like the colours, it has already started to chip away, and it leaves me wondering why I tried so hard to begin with.

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It isn’t like I have the skills, or the right materials, or the right tools, or even the patience to get through the entire process and ensure it is done well. It is just that it needs to be done. No one else is going to do it. We can’t afford professionals. And try as I do to ignore it as my husband does (I am beginning to realize that it is more likely that he doesn’t notice in the first place than that he ignores, but I can’t imagine this!) These things – each and every detail of them – are so loud and overwhelming to me that it doesn’t even compute that other people may not see it…

Anyway… what I had planned to do today wasn’t even close to that. Just a small amount of re-organizing (very small – I found out our guests only need the one bed, and we do have a guest room. I just needed to pull the bed away from the wall to make it easier for two people to use it.) I had to move a few things into the closet, and some others down to the storage room. Then I needed to clean.

Well, I started well! I cleaned out the pink room (guest room), moved stuff to storage, vacuumed the house, and washed the floors downstairs, and did some laundry. But then…

Fabric.

All I did was slide my fabric bin to a new location. It isn’t even like this is something I do on a regular basis, or something I am particularly good at. Still. Fabric.

I had this idea that since the dog sling I had ordered somehow got lost in the mail (I got a refund) that I would make one instead. I found the instructions I planned on using a couple of days ago – but I still have nearly 3 weeks before I need the sling, and my guests are coming tomorrow!

Didn’t matter. I saw the fabric bin, and had to stop everything to make that sling! So I went through the bin to find a suitable material of the right size. I took out my iron and ironing board, and ironed the hems. Then I pulled out my sewing machine, and went to it.

It was kind of enjoyable. Okay, I really liked it! Then I tried it out, and it seemed to work as it was supposed to. So back to work, right? No.

There was also Clara’s life jacket Well, it wasn’t bought for Clara. I ordered it for Gryff back in April. Only it didn’t come in. Then he died in June, and I was glad it didn’t come in. I got a refund. But Clara came, and I would need a life jacket for her – but there wasn’t time to order one. And wouldn’t you know – the life jacket came in – in July! I cried. Poor, poor Gryff. How I wished he could come camping with me. How I wish it still.

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I paid them for it. Only it wasn’t bought for Clara. It was bought for Gryff, who was a few pounds, and a much thicker coat larger than her. It was too big. She couldn’t even walk in it, as the belly strap went from her front legs to past her back. I mean, Gryff was only 10 lbs – and Clara is maybe 6. Not a lot of difference, but…

So I shortened the belly strap by nearly half. It still covers most of her belly. But the neck was too big, and she could just step out of it. It isn’t like I could send it back. So of course, I had to work on that, too. I shortened the neck straps, took out some foam, moved the buckle, and sewed it all back together again. It is solid, and it definitely fits better.

It is just – I had three weeks before I needed that, too, and our guests are coming tomorrow.

So it was a productive day, but the things that were supposed to get done, didn’t. It is as if I have no control. But I sure did enjoy it!

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