September is coming again, and for me that means:
- School supplies! Okay, maybe I am a little old, but September is for beginnings, and beginnings start with school supplies.
- Birthdays. My husband and I both have our birthdays in September. This year I am turning 40 – really hard to imagine, as I still feel like a child most of the time.
- Reflections. Each year when my birthday comes around, I reflect on my life until this point. Often this leaves me in a state of depression, but I must do it just the same. It is especially hard since…
- Anniversaries. Not good ones. It is hard to see how I still like the month with all that it reminds me of. August 20 and September 21 are the hardest days of the year for me. They are the anniversaries of the days my children were taken in 2008 and 2009 respectively. But still there are…
- Fall fairs. The last time I went to a fall fair was years ago, but each year I have hope. The trouble is that my husband and son don’t like them, and they are quite expensive. I don’t like crowds, or noise, and often get overwhelmed with sensory issues. Yet as is true of theme parks, I do love fall fairs. I love the displays, and the animals, and even the lights on the rides at night – not that I usually go on the rides, as they are often expensive, and mostly ‘spiny.’ I like roller coasters and such, but ‘spiny’ rides leave me nauseous.
- Sweaters. There is little I like about the heat of the summer: campfires (on the rare year that the fire hazards aren’t high), swimming (which I only really do when I am camping, though there is a nice beach 5 minutes from my house), kayaking (which my new dog doesn’t like, so…) But I love it when the weather turns cool. I can wear sweaters, wrap up in blankets, take long walks, have a fire in our fireplace…
- Little House on the Prairie. Every year since my son was five, I have read those books. This will be my fifteenth year in a row – and I never get tired of them. I love all things pioneer, and what better month to start thinking of such things than September?
- A new year! I know that most people think of a year in terms of January through December, but I find it impossible to think that way. For me a year is September through June, with the summer in between. Am I the only one?
Though it is still August, my focus is now on September through December – my favourite months of the year. As usual for August, I am in planning mode, thinking of all I could do to make this year better. Okay, it is true that I will follow through on very little – I do get burned out fast – but that does not take away the enjoyment I have in planning for it.
I am considering joining the Canadian Mental Health Association at this time. They have a clubhouse where they do a lot of activities, such as crafts, movies, and outings. Maybe, just maybe, they will have an outing to the fair at discounted rates. I would love to go. I would likely enjoy a lot of those activities that they do, if only I could get up the courage (and transportation) to go. The fear is very real.
As I was organizing my house this week (over two days, that has so far led to me ‘crashing’ for two days straight in panic attacks over… who knows what?) I suddenly had the urge to bring up all of my school books from Residential Construction. That included the books for the first through forth year carpentry apprenticeship training, as my husband got the next three years from the thrift store where he works. Will I study them? Maybe. I am really leaning that way. I actually do love to learn, especially on my own.
I am thinking that since my mom’s situation seems to have changed slightly, maybe I could have her flown out for a visit. I would love to see my mom. It has been two years, and before that, five. I really miss her. Plus it is my 40th birthday. She should be able to get the time to come for that (I hope) – not that I am having a party, or celebrating, or anything. But it would be nice to spend it with my mom.
And then there are all those projects I like to consider for this time of the year – knitting, colouring, painting, drawing… surely there is some hobby I could take up that I could do decently well.
Whatever happens, and however I do, I am thankful that the seasons are changing – and I am maybe coming back to where I belong.