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Autism: Letters to God

02 Sep

This is not something I often share. In fact, it is one of those things that I would be ashamed if someone came across and read on their own. It is something I have been doing for many years in one form or another. A compulsion of mine that is difficult to explain. A habit that I have, many times, tried to break, without success.

I write to God.

More I should say, I turn to God seeking answers to questions that I have. I write out my prayers. I write out my questions. And then I write whatever comes to mind in response. Since I am much more of a writer than a speaker, this is only natural that I write to God. The habit I am trying to break is in… forcing?? the answers.

Summer 2015 011

While I do believe that people can hear from God, I admit that most of the time, these answers come from myself. At even more difficult times, the answers come as an attack I can only imagine must be from outside of myself – but not from God. However, every once in a while (maybe a couple of times a year, or less) the answers are so filled with love and understanding (and this is not how I reflect on myself most of the time) that I feel they must in some part come from God.

Two nights ago, I had another compulsion to write. This one I had been fighting for about a week. It got so… loud!… that I finally gave in and allowed it. Unlike most other times, I came without questions, or ideas, or… all those other things that flood my mind.

I prayed that God would speak to me, and then quietly listened. This is what I wrote in response:

“Daughter. God has known you from the foundation of the world. All of your hopes, dreams, fears, and failures. He knows where you are going, and all of where you have been. There is no part of you that is hidden from God.

“Broken. Stupid. Idiot. Failure. Evil. Worthless… These are words you use to describe yourself, and words others have used to label you. These are not how God sees you. You are a child of God. ‘Forgiven. Redeemed. Saved. Beloved.’

“God chose you. Remember this when you are being attacked by the enemy. God chose you. Of all the people that ever lived before you, and all those who live now until the end of the age, God looked over all of them, and claimed you for his own.

“Therefore you can be certain that God has a plan for you, and that God… yes, God himself, will carry you safely home.

“Go in peace and confidence, therefore, for every moment of every day for all of eternity you belong to him: The creator and sustainer of the world. A beloved daughter of the King of kings and LORD of lords – and you are worth so very much to him.”

The words so full of love, and peace, and comfort, that I feel they only could have come from God. And so I share them, for I am certain these words are not for me alone, in the hopes that others may feel the wonderful love and acceptance of my Father in Heaven.

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Posted by on September 2, 2016 in Faith Walk

 

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