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Autism: Should Have Learned

13 Feb

Today I went back to edit a post I had written a couple of days ago. Thankfully it hadn’t been released yet. Thankfully I had the time (and wisdom) to really think about it before the information was shared. I had even written about how years ago, when we had our `foster` children, I had shared too much in the emails between myself and the ministry (as well as between myself and an online special needs support group I had been a member of.)

I have a tendency to share too much information – it is difficult for me to understand that not everything needs to be shared, even if I know that to be true.

It is difficult for me to leave out details, for how do I know at which point the omission becomes a lie? How do I know what points of what I am sharing are helpful to other people, or what parts I would be condemned for leaving out?

Since people tend to misunderstand what I am saying, doesn’t it make sense that the more details I share, the clearer my message should be? Yet when I share everything, it seems that people misunderstand me more – as if I am sharing all of this information to hide something else, when in fact I am sharing all this information to try to ensure that all information is shared.

They even try to “read between the lines,” when for me, there is nothing between the lines – maybe that is why they seem to respond better to me when I say very little, for then there is nothing more to look for… I really don’t understand it.

I do know that other people don’t share everything – I just don’t know how I could do that for myself. It feels… manipulative and dishonest.

Yet the information that I edited out of my old post were specific details on what behaviours my children were struggling with the summer before our adoption failure – and I realized as I thought about that how it might be hurtful to my children (who still live in this community, though I don’t see them) if those details were shared.

I wrote, when I had my children, because I was trying to get other people to understand, and because I was looking for (unique) suggestions of how we might help our children better. Instead, I apparently overwhelmed those I was writing too, who believed (unfairly) that I was being negative about my children, and really wished we hadn’t tried to adopt them (untrue.) So they ‘helped’ based on how they interpreted my emails, which really was completely off the mark.

I write now because for so many years I felt alone, and as if everything about me was wrong. Then I found out I had Autism (or more specifically, Asperger’s) and thought that by writing this blog, I might help other people to not feel so alone, or that everything was wrong with them, or…

I write to help – but I still share too much, and I wonder… will all of this be taken wrong, too? In trying to reach out, am I actually isolating myself further? I really don’t know the answer to these questions, for as I said, I really don’t understand.

Vacation July 2016 014

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3 responses to “Autism: Should Have Learned

  1. threekidsandi

    February 14, 2017 at 7:46 am

    I do have the same issue. I also want to share everything and it confuses people. They ask me “why are you telling me this?” and I explain to them that I am telling them because it is true. It seems to me that the way people want to communicate is by describing things selectively in order to manipulate conclusions of your information. I get upset when others tell me things in such a way, such as claiming someone pushed you and leaving out the part where you tried to hurt them and they were pushing you away to protect themselves. It seems so dishonest, childish, to communicate and yet try to control the reactions to your communication. Why bother talking at all if not honestly?

    Liked by 2 people

     
  2. educationcomboplatter

    April 20, 2017 at 10:05 am

    Reblogged this on autisticagainstantivaxxers.

    Like

     

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