Autism: Busy Day Tomorrow

31 Mar

Tomorrow I have a busy day. I have to clean my house, and my friend is coming over.

Clean my house and my friend is coming over.

Clean my house and my friend is coming over.

And today that is all I can think about.

I know that tomorrow, I will like having my house clean, and I will enjoy having my friend over – but today I am anxious, so it is all I can think about.

At least twice a week, I clean my house. It isn’t like I do this just because my friend is coming over, yet… two things in one day – that seems like a lot.

I have tried to clean the day before she comes, but with 5 pets and other people living in my house, it doesn’t help. I still have to clean before she comes. I have to clean just as much. So it is no good cleaning early, and I clean the day she comes. Only two things in one day? It is a lot.

I will clean in the morning, and she will come in the afternoon, and we will have a great conversation – deeper than I have with most anyone. And I will love that we are able to talk about such things, when most of the world likes to talk of the weather and sports.

My friend doesn’t seem to mind when I spend half an hour talking about my pets. I love my pets. She gets that. When I talk to others about my pets – because I do – I think they mostly don’t like it. I can’t really tell, and it is hard to talk to them about anything else, because the weather isn’t interesting, but they don’t talk much about those things.

When I talk to my friend about my pets, she talks about her cats, and other pets that she has had, and about how she likes to watch live videos of cats – and that lets me know she likes them too. It isn’t all we talk about, but it does help to get started. Otherwise I might sit in silence, and struggle to find what to say.

I guess from my words it might seem like I would prefer to meet somewhere else, so that I wouldn’t have to worry about cleaning my house on the days she comes over – but that wouldn’t be true. If we met somewhere else, I would feel even more anxious about having to leave the house, and being somewhere I wasn’t so comfortable. That would be harder, and I think she knows that about me. Since she doesn’t mind coming here, and I prefer it when she does, that is the arrangement that we have settled into.

So I know that I will be pleased to have my house clean, and will really enjoy my visit tomorrow – but today I am anxious.

I am anxious, and that means very little will be done today. And as I hear the thoughts repeat in my head, “Tomorrow I have to clean my house, and my friend is coming over,” my mind pulls me to fixations that will calm me:

  • Pinterest
  • Netflix
  • looking at houses on the Realtor website

And that is pretty much all I will be able to do today.



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2 responses to “Autism: Busy Day Tomorrow

  1. kazst

    March 31, 2017 at 12:20 pm

    There is a beautiful pregnant ginger cat in pre-labour on cam right now!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • kazst

      March 31, 2017 at 12:33 pm

      Sometimes her also-pregnant tabby roommate is on the same cam. But the ginger is closer to giving birth than the tabby. I’m so excited! I can hardly wait to see the new kittens!

      Liked by 1 person


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