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Autism: This Is Normal

29 May

After a few days, it became normal. Normal for her to be here. Normal to be talking to her. Normal to see her.

Just a few days in, and though I know it isn’t true, in my mind she has always been here – just as much as for the years between visits, I never see her.

I like having my mom here.

We talk… or we don’t talk – and it is all okay. At least I think it is okay. Maybe it isn’t. Sometimes I get it wrong. Usually I get it wrong.

This morning I was playing ‘Candy Crush’ and talking to my mom. There was a bit of silence, and ‘my girls’ (Chihuahuas) came to ask me to go outside. The first time I just went out with them, but then I thought of my mom inside alone, and decided to mention what I was doing the next time.

I went outside and started working in the garden – mentioning to her that is what I planned to do. She said she would be out shortly.

As I worked on my garden (I only planned to plant some wildflower seeds in the dirt by our house, but then saw the mound of dirt in an area that still needed to be worked on, and went there instead.) My mom came out and sat on the lawn swing. I think she was reading or something. My girls ran back and forth around the yard, then found places to sit and rest.

For a long time, there we were – I in the garden, and the others doing their thing. Sometimes the girls came to see me, and I talked to them. I don’t remember talking to my mom very much. I even had my back to her, as this section I was working on faced the fence, and the road, and it was the only way I could work on it – plus, I don’t work well with people watching me… but she wasn’t watching, she was reading. That seemed to be okay.

As I write, my mom has been here for six days. We walk, we talk, we shop (for food – I am not a shopper) we watch movies or shows (with my son, or sometimes without as he can’t handle too much interaction, or too much change to his routine) and sometimes we just sit quietly doing our own thing.

Normal.

I like that this is ‘normal.’

I also know it won’t last, and that for the most part it will be hard for me to even remember a time when this was normal. But I am grateful for it now.

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