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Autism: Slipping, Sliding, Panicking

17 Nov

Speaking of snow…

As long as I was able to stay inside, and was comfortable sure that my husband was still at work, I was content and even feeling thankful for the weather that day.

But then it was time to make supper, and the anxiety grew. Suddenly my mind became fixated on the fear that my husband would not make it home on those bad roads. It didn’t help that one of the main characters in the show I have been watching died in a car accident (though it wasn’t snowing there.)

What would I do?

How would I live?

Who would I have to call?

How would I manage?

There are many things that my husband takes care of that would be a real struggle for me, and…

I am a worrier, and the roads were very bad. I was watching the cars sliding around on the relatively flat road outside of my window – and the way home from my husband’s work is full of steep hills and twisty roads, and…

I am not one of those people who believes that bad things can’t happen to me. Of course they can, and they do, and… just because this hasn’t happened to me before doesn’t mean it won’t happen to me now.

So the minutes ticked by, and my anxiety grew.

He did come home (this time) but then we had plans to go out that night. I looked at the roads, and thought maybe we would cancel. Better to stay home and be safe than to leave my girls, get killed in an accident, and have them never understand why I didn’t return to them, right???

My husband wanted to go, though. We were going to the local theatre to see the play, “Romeo and Juliet.” This was the only night we could go as it was a pay what you can night, and the regular price was just too expensive for us.

So we went.

We did slide around the road several times, and I was panicking all the way there and back. As I tend to, I kept trying to pray quietly – but my husband, perhaps trying to take my mind off of it??? kept talking and cutting me off (though he didn’t know that of course.) Maybe he thought that continuous talking would be calming for me, but instead it made it worse. I really needed silence so I could hear myself pray.

Anyway, we made it home safe – and the show was really good, so… “All’s well that ends well,” as they say.

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3 responses to “Autism: Slipping, Sliding, Panicking

  1. yarnandpencil

    November 17, 2017 at 2:32 pm

    I have those same anxieties. I know I should trust the Lord but I fail regularly. If I lost my husband I’d have to manage finances and that is a very scary prospect.

    Liked by 1 person

     
  2. FirstWerner

    November 23, 2017 at 5:46 am

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    • Walkinfaith925

      November 23, 2017 at 8:53 am

      I have decided against monetizing my blog. I am provided for through disability, and I write my blog as a way to contribute to society. It is sort of like having a job and being paid for it, only for my mental health and ability to continue, it is absolutely necessary for the two (work and money) to be completely separate. I know that isn’t how society works, but it seems to be the only way I can. Even so I struggle to keep going here, but it is BECAUSE I don’t get paid for this that I am able to get beyond the struggle without quitting due to feeling like a complete failure.

      Liked by 1 person

       

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