RSS

Autism: Dead or Alive

08 Dec

I woke up coughing at 5:30am. This was not related to the smoke in the house that I mentioned on my last post – though it probably had something to do with it, my house was not smoky on this particular night.

I felt like I was choking, and my first thought (which lasted for several minutes) was that there had been a fire and I died of smoke inhalation. For about 5 minutes, even though I could dimly see my room around me, felt and heard ‘my girls’ beside me, and was aware of one of my cats on the bed as well (I have a very full bed these days!) I completely believed this to be true.

When I told people at my Life Group (Bible Study) about this, one of them asked if I was in Heaven. When I said, “No, I was looking at my clock, and into the faces of my dogs,” she mentioned something about the possibility that I wouldn’t make it there; to heaven, that is…

Panic!

If I dream I have died (though this wasn’t a dream) and don’t find myself in heaven – does that mean I am not saved?

Thankfully my husband responded that he believes there will be animals in heaven, and gave his reasons – so in a few seconds I was calmed by his words (thank you, dear husband!) I need my dogs. I don’t think that will change when I am dead.

So there I was, lying awake in bed, fully convinced that this was the beginning of the afterlife and I would be trapped in this place (at least I had my babies with me!) when I realized I must be alive.

How disorienting that was!

It was then that I felt a deep longing for my youngest (foster) daughter who was taken from me 8 years ago, and remembered that I had been dreaming of her – though the dream escapes me now – when I was awakened by the choking.

Perhaps in those last moments of my dream there was a fire, and I was dying in it.

What a strange experience that was, and I wonder if there are other people in the world who are fully alive, and believe they are dead. So weird.

036

Advertisements
 

Tags: , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: