RSS

Monthly Archives: February 2018

Autism: Through My Brother’s Mouth

My younger brother is noticeably disabled – meaning that when people see or talk to him, they can tell. Obviously I am not him, and can’t attest to his experience, but it seems to me that people are much more gracious to disabled people who seem disabled.

Not to say I wish I did, only… perhaps I wouldn’t have been so hard on myself throughout my life for not being able to fit in??? I didn’t know I was disabled, and believed people’s labels and assessments of me (which weren’t kind.)

NT’s seem to not like labels – as if they put people in ‘boxes’ and make it harder to live – but I really appreciate my diagnosis. It isn’t like I didn’t know there was something ‘wrong’ with me before, just… I always thought it was my fault. (So did other people.)

Anyway, my younger brother is noticeably disabled.

010

He has been on medication for a severe seizure disorder since he was very young (before Kindergarten.) The medication, along with the fact that he doesn’t like to brush his teeth, means that he has a receding gum line, and not so clean teeth. I, on the other hand, tend to obsess about brushing my teeth – and have a real struggle talking to people if I don’t feel my teeth are very clean.

My brother has a tendency to squint, and when he does, he curls his upper lip in towards his gums. It looks strange. I see that now – but I had the same issue and had to work really hard as a young teen to stop doing that (after having it pointed out to me by a few people – who weren’t being kind when they said it.)

When my brother talks, there is a noticeable catch in his words. He stumbles over them, much like tripping when walking. I don’t think I have a catch in my words most of the time – and no one has ever pointed that out to me, but…

My brother has a limited number of ‘special interests,’ which have been the same for years: bus schedules, wrestling, canasta. Since he is extroverted, he talks about these things a lot! To whoever will listen (and since he doesn’t seem aware at all if someone is irritated by his choice of subject, so long as they stay in listening distance, he will talk.)

Since my brother has a traumatic brain injury from a car accident when he was very young, he never was diagnosed Autistic – though even before that accident he was unable to speak (at 4 years old) and my mom says he was quite a challenge to care for.

I am not my brother.

I obsess about brushing my teeth. I learned not to curl my lip in towards my gums. I have not been told I have a noticeable catch when I speak (and in fact, when I have shared this with others, they have confirmed they have not noticed a catch when I speak.)

I do have special interests, and, being quite introverted it is easiest for me to talk about these interests in order to avoid not being so quiet, but… I do notice when others get annoyed with the subject (in fact, since I don’t appear disabled, they are much more likely to tell me they are annoyed) And when they seem to be ignoring or annoyed with what I am saying…

I feel like I am speaking through my brother’s mouth – complete with receding gums, curled lip, and frequent noticeable catch.

Advertisements
 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Autism: A Better Mistake

It had been several years since I had been to the eye doctor. Even then, the last time I went I got contacts, and wasn’t given my new prescription for glasses. I was due for a new prescription, yet I am on a disability pension (federal, not provincial, which doesn’t have any benefits, and pays much less at that) and have no coverage, so couldn’t bring myself to go.

The last time I went, it was $150 just to see the eye doctor, and that didn’t include the cost of glasses. I can’t afford that.

So I have been putting it off, and putting it off, and meanwhile I have been getting more and more disoriented as I go out. My prescription wasn’t working for me anymore, and I had to do something.

That is when my friend told me about the vision clinic in the mall – there I could either buy glasses from them, and get the prescription free, or buy the prescription from them for $45, and get my glasses somewhere else.

I fully intended, when I went in to that appointment, on either buying the glasses there (ready in a hour – very convenient) or buying the prescription, and getting my glasses at the online store I have been using for years. Fully intended as in those were the only two options I had in my head going in – and I don’t change my thoughts quickly, especially when I am in a situation (such as going to an appointment and talking to some strange person) that causes me anxiety.

It happened just before Christmas, and my husband drove me down to the appointment. At least I didn’t have to deal with that!

She took me in right away, and said she had forgotten the appointment, and had put on some Eucalyptus essential oils or something – and asked if it bothered me. Not at all. I have sensory issues, but I actually like most scented products like that. If she smelled like smoke… or even unscented products (those are some of the worst for me) it would have been a problem, but not the eucalyptus.

Then she started with the vision test.

I might have been in there 5 minutes total, but…

The way vision tests are done is very hard for me. I can’t remember in between the lenses which one is better, and anyway, they pretty much all looked blurry.

I tried. I tried really hard. I even told her I was struggling, and that they all seemed blurry.

003

We got to the end of the test, and she showed me the old and new prescriptions. They were both blurry, and I told her that – so she got frustrated and said it was the best she could do, and I should go to a proper eye doctor if I wanted something better. I couldn’t explain my struggle.

She had the prescription on the screen – both the old and the new. I was looking at it as I wondered how to solve the issue – could she try again? I couldn’t afford to go to a proper eye doctor. I stared at the screen as I tried to process this complication – but she sent me out without any options.

When I got home, I decided to order glasses with the new prescription anyway. I felt bad for not paying for that prescription, but she had said that I only had to pay for it if she printed it out for me – she didn’t even give me that option.

My old prescription was still in the system online, and my astigmatism hadn’t changes (she said that while I was in the appointment.) So I put in the new numbers, and ordered the glasses.

Meanwhile all the numbers I had seen were running through my head, and I realized I made a mistake – I put in both numbers for my left eye (old and new) and not the correct one for my right eye. I emailed them right away, and tried to have it corrected – but it was Christmas, and no one got that email.

Just before New Years I got the email saying my new glasses had been shipped – ‘great,’ I wrote back, ‘only I emailed saying I had the wrong prescription and asked to have that changed.’ They got that email, and said it wasn’t a problem, they would make my glasses in the proper prescription and I could send the ‘wrong’ ones back.

And then they came in…

I was just going to send them back unopened, but I wanted to see how bad they felt to wear – this prescription was -0.50 stronger than I was supposed to have for my right eye. I put them on and…

It was the best I have been able to see in years!!!

They were perfect. Comfortable. Didn’t make me dizzy at all. In fact, it was the first time since I started wearing glasses that I didn’t want to take them off. So wonderful!

I wrote again to say I wanted to keep this mistake. It was too late to cancel the proper ones, but they did give me a large discount. Since it was my mistake (and a very happy one at that) my husband and I agreed that I should pay for them.

The ‘proper’ prescription is good for using at my computer, which is pretty close to me. For everything else, I use the mistake glasses.

A better mistake I have never made.

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

 
%d bloggers like this: