The last couple of logs that I put into the fire in the morning didn’t burn well. While I was making supper, I kept smelling smoke. Finally I figured out that it was from the logs (our fireplace doesn’t tend to smoke, so this was highly unusual.) So I moved the logs around, but the upstairs was still all smoky.
My husband looked into the fireplace when he got home, but didn’t see anything wrong.
I guess the bigger challenge was that I had only just realized that our wired in smoke alarms weren’t working (I wonder how long ago that started!) We didn’t even have backup battery operated ones that worked, so my anxiety was very high.
After all, I have known a few people whose houses have burnt down. My grandmother was one of them, and though the people were all out of the house at the time, she lost all 5 of her cats in the fire, and burned her hand when she tried to open the door to get them out (she was just arriving home when she saw the fire.)
If my animals died in a fire, it would be a trauma I would not overcome. It would hurt me for the rest of my life. This I know.
Well, the smoke filled the upstairs enough that it aggravated my throat through the night. That, mixed with my panic about the smoke alarms, set me into a panic that made it very difficult to get to sleep.
It was about 1am before I slept, and has been happening for about 2 months now, I woke up at 3:45 am unable to get back to sleep.
Though I am sleeping little, doing little, and functioning very slow, the days are flying by.
I feel detached from the world, and disoriented from the speed – like the roundabouts they used to have in the playgrounds when I was a kid (before they regulated the speed they were able to spin.) I feel like I am watching the world spin and waiting for my opportunity to jump on – but it is too fast, and I get dizzy just watching it.