We were sitting at a friend’s house for Life Group (Bible study) and were going around talking about how our week had been. Typically I really struggle with this – partly because I don’t speak well in groups to begin with, but also because I have been taught not to think of what I am going to say while listening to someone else talk.
That is a really hard rule for me. It isn’t because I am a bad listener. If I knew I wouldn’t have to say anything for a while after, or if silence were acceptable between speakers to give me time to think, I would be able to listen quite well, but… as long as I know my turn is coming and I will be expected to speak, too, I go into panic and my mind shuts down.
When it comes time for me to talk, my mind is blank, and I pretty much can’t remember anything that happened in the week, or think of anything to say.
“How was your week?” someone asks me.
“I don’t remember,” I respond – and they all laugh. But in that moment, that is the truth. It isn’t that I am generally unable to remember what happened in a week, but in that situation, I really can’t think at all.
That night, however, was a good night for me. I was functioning pretty well, and answered several questions. I talked a LOT about my dogs. We had just been given “Grace” six days before, so I had lots to say.
We were talking about the importance of community, and how that is hard for some of us. My husband had mentioned that when he is home, he is tired, and just wants to read or go on the computer. I said that if I wasn’t pushed to go out and visit (Life Group, Church, etc.) that I would spend just about all of my time with my dogs – because I like dogs more than people.
They all laughed at me. I went on to say that I know I am not supposed to say things like that, but it is true. Dogs are easier than people. Thankfully they know me. They have known me for a long time. While still laughing, they told me that they have known this about me for a long time, and it is okay (they love me anyway.) It is nice to be accepted.
The thing that really defined the evening for me though was when my husband was talking about one of his brothers who had been in the hospital for a while. He couldn’t think of the word, and came up with that his brother had been ‘ejected’ from the hospital.
Well… that was it for me for the rest of the night!
I am a very visual person, and suddenly I have this visual in my mind of people being flung off the top of the hospital. Cannons, sling-shots, catapults… it didn’t matter how it was done, all these poor people were now flying through the air as I tried vainly to get parachutes on them all before they started coming down.
It has been a long time since I laughed so hard in public – not just because my sense of humour is different from other people’s, but also because I feel very self conscious about laughing like that in public. I worry about how ridiculous I look – and I did in that moment, too, but I just couldn’t stop.
Everyone else went on to talk about other (serious) things, and there I was with tears running down my face because I was laughing so hard. All those poor, poor people flying through the air. Thankfully I never saw any of them come back down.
“And that is how we keep healthcare in Canada free,” I said.